December 19 – Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?
(It seems like all of my subjects have to do with the past few months, rather than, you know, like the entire year. I blame the "disjointed" schtick of the whole year that I talked about on day one of Reverb.)
I go through periods in writing. I have peaks and valleys. Sometimes, I am high on myself. I am feeling awesome, writing a crapload, feeling deep, feeling funny, feeling fine. Half the time, I'll go back a month later and not know where half the stuff I write came from, but still feel really good about it. I have a notebook (my "Idea" notebook, so called because it was my writing journal and it had a lightbulb that lit up and "idea" scrolling across it when you tilt it up and down with that 3D effect thing) from last year that was entirely filled during a high point in my writing and just reading it makes me happy. Just holding it makes me happy.
Yes, I went and pulled it off the shelf and have it next to me right now. Yes, I feel happy.
There are times, though, that I feel as if I am worth crap. Like, crap. I can't get myself to actually put pencil to paper, let alone actually make words come out. And there are times when I am writing, but I know that what I am writing is stupid, is silly, isn't worth reading.
I was going through a phase like this just before NaNo. I'd been slacking on YWS and that was making me feel bad, my blogging felt stupid, I wasn't writing anything and it all sucked. Not to mention my writing class was driving me nuts (I swear, I get so much mileage out of that class... I predict quite a bit more too). I mean, it was just so serious and at a time when I was taking myself too seriously and angsting about it.
But NaNo helped me with that, as it usually does. And in NaNo were the NaNoers of my write-in group.
I feel bad. I haven't kept up with them too much in the past few weeks. But in following them on Twitter and Facebook, I discovered Reverb, which got me in a groove for blogging. Which, in turn, has gotten me in a groove for everything.
Maybe there is something to this scheduled writing thing. Perhaps not a writing time, because my schedule is hectic enough that I would rather sneak in a YouTube video of a funny man talking about deep things in a nerdy way (I'm looking at you, John and Hank Green) than my crap writing, but knowing that I need to write something every day is good for me (I already have another month of challenges set up for January and you've seen my list of things I want to get done in 2011).
So, I would say that Reverb has been healing me. I go through peaks and valleys, but, because of Reverb, the post-NaNo valley was avoided. Normally I slump into post-NaNo inactivited, just having finished a huge undergoing and just sort of looking around in a daze. But this kept me going, which got me thinking, which got me listing things I wanted to do and ways in which I wanted to do them and I'm creating. It's awesome.
Thank you, Reverb.